Manipulation is defined as this:
it is the social influence from one person over another, or a group, in order for them to agree or adopt their beliefs or philosophy.
The plain English definition:
someone deceptively tries to, and succeeds, in getting you to see things their way, whether good or bad.
They can do this in several ways and unfortunately, some of us don’t realize we are being manipulated because they are just that good at it. By the time the manipulator is done with you, you won’t understand why you never saw their point of view in the first place. That’s a professional manipulator right there.
Though too often it seems that we discover manipulation in our relationships (marriage, common-law, etc.) but it’s not only our partners that manipulate. It could also be your boss, your co-worker, a family member, and even your neighbour.
Some of us have experienced manipulation in the workplace which makes it extremely difficult to do anything about it as sometimes this person is your boss, and you need your job. Being manipulated is a tough place to be in, depending on who the manipulator is.
Some of us don’t even realize we are being manipulated. Here are a few signs that you are. If you recognize any of these signs in your relationships you should try to address them immediately.
1. Your emotions get played.
They will play on your emotions very hard to the point where you either break down, cry, get mad, or slip into helplessness.
They know the way to get you to agree with them is to feed on your emotions. If they know you are weak or vulnerable they will prey on that emotion. If you are angry, they’ll attack that one. Keep your emotions in check. Feel them and own them and know they are your emotions to control and not be controlled by someone else.
2. They’re fast smooth talkers.
They want you to hurry up and side with them already and will tell you whatever you need to hear and they’ll say it fast and smooth.
They know they have to act fast to get you on their side and they have to be convincingly smooth. They know how to do both very well. Be careful when you feel like this is happening. Don’t fall for smooth talk. Always listen to your gut. It will never steer you wrong.
3. It’s all your fault.
They will use every trick in the book to make sure you see that whatever happened is totally your fault and they’re so good at their tricks, you’ll believe them in no time.
They will never take responsibility for any wrongdoing. If something went wrong, it was either your fault or because of you, they did it. Either way, you’re doomed. It will eventually get to a point where you just automatically start apologizing for things you didn’t even do. Do not apologize for something you didn’t do. Let it go. It’s just a power trip. Let them trip by themselves.
4. Cold shoulder.
They will ignore you or just give you the cold shoulder. Totally brush you off until you feel so guilty that you end up going to their side and trying to make it up to them.
You didn’t do anything wrong in the first place but it’s just the game they play and remember, they play it well. If they give you the cold shoulder just ignore them. They’ll get over it eventually. Start standing your ground.
5. Emotional outbursts.
They’re good at that too. It’s their turn to flip things so that you’re the bad guy and you broke their heart or whatever the case. Their outbursts will consist of crying, fits of frustration, or any other crazy emotion that will eventually tug at your heart and you will, once again, end up saying sorry and desperately trying to make things better because, really, it is all your fault right?
Try to be sensitive to their outbursts but let them know that it’s unnecessary and you won’t be swayed by tears of manipulation. In other words, tell them they need to chill out.
Being with a manipulative person is very damaging to your self-worth so pay attention to the signs and take a stand. Let them know you aren’t into playing their games. They will eventually stop trying to manipulate you as they know you won’t be such an easy target anymore.
by: Steven Aitchison