1. You are not consumed by passion. You experience it while still maintaining your individuality and being aware that it’s not what healthy, happy relationships are built on. It’s a crucial aspect of your connection, but it’s not the glue that holds you together.
2. You hold space for one another. When one person is speaking, the other is doing nothing but listening: not coming up with a response, not interrupting with a different observation. You are fully present for one another because you value what the other feels and thinks.
3. You both value personal growth and see how your relationship in particular is a tool to help you accomplish that.
4. You’re very comfortable around one another – but not in the lazy, dull way. You can have sparks and melty gooey gross feelings while still being comfortable enough to cohabitate and function together, and that is much more magical than the alternative (jitters aren’t sexy).
5. Your relationship preceded a significant shift in perspective. You have changed since you first met them; your opinions and emotional capacities have grown, largely due to the influence they’ve had on your thoughts and feelings.
6. You put feeling over fact. You don’t argue logistics over how someone is feeling. For example, if one person makes an upsetting comment, the other doesn’t brush it off by saying, “Well, I didn’t mean anything by it.” They listen and try to learn, regardless.
7. You talk more than you do anything else. In fact, your best dates are being anywhere that’s quiet and private enough that you can just… talk.
8. You appreciate what you have while you have it. You aren’t constantly wanting more because you genuinely know you have their love. You don’t need any extra gestures or promises to prove it (though they’re lovely when you do get them!)
9. You’re equals, but you also have your ‘roles.’ Those roles consist of whatever you want and need them to be, but most importantly, they are natural and they are established. You know who is better and handling each aspect of your lives together, and you trust one another to do just that.
10. You see the partnership as an opportunity to experience love, not a tool to create certainty. You aren’t desperate for proof that they love you, you aren’t threatened by them so much as speaking to another attractive human being, you don’t necessarily need them to promise you forever and ever. You know you’re in it together right now.
11. You think similarly, which is another way of saying, you’re alike in the ways it matters most, particularly regarding how you process the world around you, or what your fundamental belief systems are.
12. They respond to (and affirm!) you the more you are unfiltered and honest. You’ve noticed that they take best when you’re expressing your most genuine thoughts, opinions, and feelings – it’s not that your #unfiltered being is not something they have to cope with, it’s something they want.
13. You do your self-work together. You talk about how you’re improving yourselves, or what you want to do with your careers, or what you hope for your (individual) futures. Your time together is about much more than just your partnership, it’s about how your partnership is going to help facilitate the life you most want.
14. It’s possible to distinguish between having a bad day and believing that you are in a bad relationship. You have the ability to prevent your personal issues from affecting the relationship. This is a key reason why many relationships fail. However, you cherish your connection too greatly to allow that to happen, and if there’s a genuine issue within the relationship, you’re capable of addressing it independently.
by: Brianna Wiest/PS
PARADIGM SHYFT 