“Knowledge of processes in the background early shaped my relationship to the world. Basically, that relationship was the same in my childhood as it is to this day.
As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.
Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. The loneliness began with the experiences of my early dreams, and reached its climax at the time I was working on the unconscious.
If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely.
But loneliness is not necessarily inimical to companionship, for no one is more sensitive to companionship than the lonely man, and companionship thrives only when each individual remembers his individuality and does not identify himself with others.”
– Carl Jung, “Memories, Dreams, and Reflections”
Many of us can relate to the sense and experience of feeling alone as we shed the matrix cultural/social programming and sincerely start to seek truth.
As we embark on the path we start to learn (or oftentimes “remember”), realize and begin to see a deeper reality within and without us. This new “sight” is contrary to what the masses believe in and how they live their lives by. It is also contrary to whatever we believed to be true at first. But there was a “splinter in the mind”, a seed deep within that inspired us to question what we’ve been told and taught, most often after a period of intense deeper suffering, responding to the yearning of the soul’s call for Truth. It pushed us to answer the call and step into the “unknown”…and down the rabbit hole we tumble.
As we progress on our path going through our trials, initiations and process of disillusionment, truth starts to become stranger than fiction.
We can no longer relate to pleasures and social interactions/enjoyments we may have engaged in enthusiastically in the past. Even past goals, ambitions and desires we once had and were very attached to start to feel completely foreign to us as we realize that most of our so-called needs/desires/wants (including group/tribe identifications) were based on lies and Matrix programs which we mistook stemming from our “True Self” and do not lead us to (nor reflect) true fulfillment, joy and love:
the pure state of our soul, hidden deep within us beyond the ego-personality – our unique soul-embodied individuality centered in and around the Divine.
We start to see through appearances and all the pretense:
the mechanical, unconscious social interactions, the unconscious feeding mechanisms between people (emotionally, energetically, sexually) where almost everyone is a copy of a copy, automatons, sleepwalking and dreaming to be awake.
We realize how little of true Individuality and authenticity there is in the world and how people mistake their conditioned/programmed ego-personality for authenticity/individuality and also mistake all kinds of feelings, desires, cravings within them for their “Soul Being” (all of which we have done in the past as well to varying degrees…and still may do) – how little of TRUE love there is. If we are really honest with ourselves, we also question what love truly is and if we have ever experienced it.
The more we uncover and work through our own shadow aspects, our own mechanical programs, our wounds and traumas, the more we see it in others. As the masks fall away, we start to “see the unseen” and a whole new world – the REAL world – opens up.
At first this view is not pleasant at all and we may question our sanity. Feelings of despair, depression, shame, guilt, anger, sadness, loneliness, etc. come up. Everything we have been hiding and have suppressed for lifetimes starts to come to the surface. The darkness within and without is being made conscious as we descend into the underworld.
The higher we want to rise the deeper we need to go. The more Light we possess, the more darkness we uncover. It’s the esoteric axiom/law of Descend and Ascend as the same time.
“The higher one rises, the farther one is pulled down. Evolution does not move higher and higher, into an ever more heavenly heaven, but deeper and deeper. Each evolutionary cycle closes a little lower, a little nearer to the Center where the supreme High and Low, heaven and earth, will finally meet. The more Light [the seeker] possesses, the more darkness he/she uncovers.”
“None can reach heaven who has not passed through hell.”
– Sri Aurobindo
If we are sincere in our process we start to realize that we cannot blame others or anything externally anymore but we are “forced” to take full self-responsibility with radical self-honesty.
The more we awaken, the more we are also confronted with the illusion of control the ego likes to cling to. There is something else, a higher (divine) force that is pulling us out of inertia and sleep, asking us to surrender to it while at the same time the lower forces want to keep us chained to our past (trapped in the victim/blame cycle), our wounds, programs and identifications.
These occult adverse forces use temptations, ego hooks and thought injections, targeting our blindspots, to keep us plugged in the Matrix. Ultimately we realize that the battle is and always has been THROUGH us.
We then also start to “see” and sense beyond our five-sensory cognition the mighty occult hyperdimensional forces that move/manipulate not only us but all people like puppets with strings attached.
We realize that there is “something else”, hidden from the mind of ordinary consciousness, that controls and manipulates human beings from occult realms, something that feeds on humanity and keeps us in a frequency prison of fear and survival based egoic Service to Self (STS) consciousness.
We also start to see the wounds and traumas people carry, masked and armored under a thick social mask – disconnected from their bodies. In fact, we start to see how most people suffer deep inside but “don’t know” that they are suffering for all the attention and energy is used to escape it via externalizing and projecting/suppressing their pain to avoid the discomfort of feeling it.
Like unconscious drug addicts most people are constantly looking for a “fix”, trying to fill a bottomless hole and always looking for love and happiness “out there”.
We then start to encounter humans who don’t seem to have a soul but are empty shells, occupied by “something else”. The eyes always give it away; all of which becomes more obvious as we cleanse our perception via internal work.
We don’t get fooled by appearances anymore. We begin to see via inner vision and our guidance comes more and more from within, not influenced by others or our conditioned mind with all its fragmented thought loops. We let go of comparison, ambition and competition, the three “characteristics” of the narcissistic STS frequency of the Matrix.
We then also realize that we have crossed the point of no return. We cannot un-see what we have seen and are increasingly seeing. We cannot un-know what we have discovered, learned and experienced.
“It follows that [the seeker] will become more and more of a stranger to his surroundings; that he will lose more and more interest in exterior life, in which only yesterday he participated fully. The appearance of things, and especially of beings, undergoes a deep change in his eyes. He will one day be surprised to constate that certain faces which only yesterday he found very beautiful now reveal to him marks of bestiality behind their features: not all, but many of them!”
– Boris Mouravieff, Gnosis
However, not only do we experience isolation and loneliness, pulling back more and more from exterior life, we also become subjected to the projections and attacks of people still “wandering in the wilderness” of the collective Matrix program.
We realize that long time friends and even family members or our spouse/partner are not at all who we “thought” they were – that these connections were often based on the illusion of love, social programming, and we realize how we mistook love for all kinds of behaviors, feelings, and things that are not love but were based on wounds and unconscious feeding mechanisms.
When we tell others about our discoveries and realizations we are most often met with ridicule, made fun of, or even attacked, sometimes even “burned at the stake”.
We are being told that we are negative, crazy and live in fear or engage in “fear mongering” when in fact this reaction is their OWN unconscious fear of the Truth projected on to us.
It is their false mechanical ego-personality trying to protect itself from disillusionment with occult forces working through them (using them as unconscious Matrix agents) and attempting to keep us from awaking, speaking truth and anchoring the Divine Force.
Hence, we also realize that we cannot possibly take anything personal anymore, because it is not “them” doing anything. Moreover, these attacks and interferences also serve a teaching function in the bigger picture of the evolution of consciousness and in the process of our unique soul evolution for all there is are lessons.
These realizations and confronting the lies we’ve been telling ourselves do indeed lead to a disillusionment, a “moral bankruptcy”. It’s the necessary “death” everyone has to go through to be reborn in the true Self. It is the “way out” of the Matrix.
“Nobody can reach the path of Access to the Way [towards Awakening], without first passing through an interior bankruptcy; a moral collapse [disillusionment]. It is a classic situation. From his side, after having passed through moral bankruptcy, he who seeks the Way becomes different from men who continue to live within the limits permitted by the General Law [Matrix], and thus take mirages for reality. Due to this, he will feel himself more and more isolated.
The center of gravity of his interest will progressively turn to esoteric work, which will end by absorbing him completely. The ‘World’ will be hostile to him, because its own purposes are different.
The day will come — if he remains in the same milieu — where, apart from rare exceptions he will be openly or secretly hated.
If we ponder this in depth, we shall understand that psychologically this hostile attitude of the ‘World’ towards someone who carries on esoteric work is not only a normal phenomenon but is so to speak, a necessary one.
If he who lives in the wilderness — and is satisfied to be there, were to approve of the attitude of one who walks on the track, it would be equivalent to recognizing his own bankruptcy. That is why the ‘World’ considers the latter as a failure.
The more he progresses with his work, the more he becomes an object of hate.
That is why it is said that:
‘no prophet is acceptable in his own country’ and why ‘the prophet is despised in his country, among his close relations and in his own house.‘ ”
– Boris Mouravieff, Gnosis
Yet, this loneliness we experience and inability to “fit in” anywhere has its purpose (including the suffering we experience) and if we keep on the track with faith and trust, learning our lessons with sincerity, patience, humility and courage, it will lead us to true love, real companionship and a conscious connection with Spirit/Source as we find our way “back home”, reuniting with the Divine.
We start to experience magical positive synchronicities and help/support of the Divine Force that responds to our call and supports and guides us in unexpected ways.
Doors open where there have been no doors before. Out of dark we emerge into the light.
The only way out is through and we realize and experience on an embodied level, not merely philosophically or intellectually, that we were never alone but under a spell of separation from all that IS.
“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is Creator, the indivisible. And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.”
– Hermann Hesse
“But here again the seeker is helped by the descending Force, which powerfully contributes to establish a new rhythm in him. He even notices, with ever-renewed astonishment, that if he takes but one small step forward, the Help from above will take ten toward him—as if he were expected.
It would be quite wrong to believe that the work is only negative, however; naturally the vital likes to think that it is making huge efforts to struggle against itself, which is its skillful way of protecting itself on all fronts, but in practice the seeker does not follow an austere or negative rule; he follows a positive need within his being, because he is truly growing out of yesterday’s norms and yesterday’s pleasures, which now feel to him like a baby’s diet. He is no longer content with all that; he has better things to do, better things to live.
This is why it is so difficult to explain the path to one who has never tried it, for he will see only his own current perspective or, rather, the loss of his perspective. Yet if we only knew how each loss of perspective is a step forward, how greatly life changes when we pass from the stage of closed truths to that of open truths — a truth like life itself, too great to be confined within limited perspectives, because it embraces them all and sees the usefulness of each thing at each stage of an infinite development; a truth great enough to deny itself and move endlessly to a higher truth.”
“However, as well as the difficulties which are the first results of his evolution, [the seeker] will receive comforting impressions, especially in his human relations. He will be surprised to perceive one day that certain faces which only yesterday appeared to him ordinary, today shine in his eyes with a bright beauty. It is because his sight, sharpened by esoteric work, has acquired the faculty of penetrating beyond the external crust. It is amongst these brighter beings that he will find his new friends. Their society will welcome him as one of their own. He will be understood among them, and their community of common aims and interests will be a stimulus and a help for all.“
– Boris Mouravieff, Gnosis
“But the wise man himself does not feel lonely. Wisdom brings him nearer to life; closer to the heart of the world than the foolish man can ever be. The wise man gazing off into space sees not an emptiness, but a space full of life, truth, and law.”
– Manly P. Hall
IN-SHADOW a brilliant animated short film by Lubomir Arsov. A visionary journey through the fragmented Unconscious, facing the Shadow and to be reborn in the Light. It depicts in a grotesque and poetic way the soul-enslaving forces acting on humanity and working through people, feeding off of the life force, the masks of the conditioned/pathological personality, the Shadow Self and the journey from Darkness to Light.
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” – Carl Jung